Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
