I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
