I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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