Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
