The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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