$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
