My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
