i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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