I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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