idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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