dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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