taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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