piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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