Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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