If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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