My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
