I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
