I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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