How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
