There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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