Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
