He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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