I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
