Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
