Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize