Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think your dad took our porno
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
