bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
