You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
