So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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