if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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