i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
