awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Someone signed my nipple.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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