my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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