i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
