why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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