I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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