i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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