Cold hands, warm shart.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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