hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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