Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
