Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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