Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
