I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
