She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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