I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
