Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't turn off my feet"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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