would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
