Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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