I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
