I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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