did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
