We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My day in three words: secret purse cake
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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