We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
