the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Randomize
