So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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